Stuff you get at Trade Shows

Who the hell is Frank Biscone?

In addition to having been a pilot, biker, rifle sharpshooter, automotive encylopedia, bare knuckle streetfighting technique connoisseur, and all around hilarious motherfucker, my dad is also a long-time samurai of the "promotional products" industry. "Promotional products," which you might be more familiar with as "the shit you sweep into your pockets at trade shows," is an industry without which your friendly neighborhood doctor wouldn’t have the Bonertussin pad to write your prescription on, your local bank wouldn’t have unsettlingly-textured stress relief balls to give away, and so on.

Anyway, my dad and I were talking the other day about his business, and he brought up this guy whose name totally rung a bell. I couldn’t place it. Frank Biscone. Where the fuck did I hear that name before? I definitely didn’t know anybody with that name. So I asked my dad, "wait, hold up. who the hell is Frank Biscone?" Dad laughed, and said "yeah, that’s right, he’s the one who did that lighter."

And then I remembered. Years ago — like when i was 12 or 13 — I picked up this lighter at one of the trade shows Dad would take us to every year. The lighter was basically a Zippo or a Zippo knockoff as I can remember.

On one side, it read "WHO THE HELL IS FRANK BISCONE?"

flip it over, and the other side reads, "WHO GIVES A SHIT?"

I’m sorry, I know it won’t be all that funny to most of you, but that is the perfect fucking north Jersey joke. It’s still funny to me. I wish I still had that lighter, but I lost it, like I fucking lose everything I own.